Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A Beautiful Revolution - blog

I need to stick this on my monitor at work

Otherwise there's always an over indulgence of KFC, chocolate oozing donuts, a new pair of shoes to help with the sanity. 

I've been following A Beautiful Revolution for a while now. This guy suffers from severe depression and doodles about how he sees life. Some are just weird, some are funny, some are meaningful. His doodles got noticed and now he has published books of it.

Oh wow, I just realized that it's already Wednesday now that American Idol on showing on TV. Two more days to the long weekend. Yay!~

Monday, April 26, 2010

Chicken Sambal recipe

It's been long since I've blogged about a new recipe. My grandma's maids can cook very well so I copied over one of their recipes and tried it at home. The mother-in-law came over to my place and she loved the recipe I tried out so much that she took some home and took back some of the ingredients so that she could cook it herself.

Here's the recipe. It's very simple and easy to cook.

Ingredients A
1 chicken
4 tbsp of light soy sauce
Juice from 1 lime
salt & sugar to taste
5 tbsp of oil

Ingredients B
25 dried chillies, seeds taken out
10 shallots
7 candle nuts (buah keras)

  1. Grind ingredients B with a blender or something
  2. Marinate chicken in soy sauce
  3. Heat up oil. Fry chicken until brown while stirring. Take out chicken.
  4. Fry ingredients B until fragrant.
  5. Add in lime juice, salt & sugar and mix evenly. Add chicken.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Back from Boogie Land

I've been bloggy quiet recently. Because of all the drama happening recently, I was taken back to Boogie Land. Old memories which I tried to forget over the past few years were brought back again. And for a while, I actually dared to hope again, only for the hope to be crushed the following week.

Anyway, I'm back from the Boogie Land. One should only remain boogified for a certain amount time, else somebody please sound the alarm and shake me hard to bring me back to planet Earth. Also, I've taken up a new role at work making me so busy that I don't even have to time run to the toilet to make a dump in the morning. I welcomed the chaos at work because it kept the mind too busy to even think about boogie and by the time I go home I'm too mentally tired to get boogified. Thus, the bloggy has been neglected lately.

When I'm in Boogie Land, I try avoid my blog because I tend to write what's in my mind and being boogified would mean I end up writing about all the boogie which to other happy "normal" people, would seem like a post with a title of "Self-Pity".

If you are one of those normal people, then I suggest you stop reading here. Else, if you are as damaged as I am, read on and we can share stories of how screwed up we are. :)

For the past few weeks, the hubby received the privilege of the front row seat to watch all my real-life TVB drama, so much that it made him so grateful that his parents are such wonderful normal people and he made it a point to take his parents out to an expensive seafood restaurant for no occasion at all. Because if you have wonderful parents, why do you need to wait for an occasion to bring them out for a treat?

When the hubby manages to make my grandma laugh, the smile on her face can brighten the whole room. But when my grandma cries while telling family drama stories to the hubby, I carry the guilt of what the parents did. The guilt which gets heavier and heavier. And I suspect that my hubby feels the same way which is why he makes such an effort to treat my grandma well to replace what my parents failed to do.

The sister and I came up with the word Boogie. It's our code name to describe our family drama. And we came out with a lot of other comical names to describe the misery we were facing at home. The sister and I used to make jokes about the situation to give it a comical side. Because it was all we could do to survive a tough situation at home. If we could laugh about it, then maybe it's not as bad as it seems. We never cried in front of each other because we wanted to convince each other that we were tough enough to handle the situation. Because if one of us does cry in front of the other, the comical illusion and the tough act we try to create will give way to the horrible reality we were facing.

The thing I find most difficult about my situation is the inability to tell others or make others understand. When things like this happen, the daughter is usually blamed for not being good to the parents. Because the assumption is that the parents will always do the best for their children so how can parents ever be wrong? I'm especially tired when my father-in-law who tries to convince me now and then that I should treat my parents better. He doesn't understand the situation. Nobody does. Unless of course you get the front row seats to watch all the drama live which currently is only reserved for the hubby. :)

It's not like I haven't tried to tell people about what's going on. To some people, I did share with them the tip of the surface. The reaction I get is either a look of horror or the person reacts in a way as if s(he) didn't hear what I just said. It's just something that people here have never heard about and is not commonly accepted locally. I've only shared the full uncensored story to one close friend and for that, I thank you for your listening ear.

Everybody faces something difficult in life. Some people deal with more crap than others but the fact is we all at one point during life will find ourselves in the lowest point ever. And when we are in that low point, we feel alone and we feel that nobody else will ever understand. And we don't tell others because we are worried to be seen as being weak or we don't want to trouble others with all our sorrows.

But sometimes all it take is for somebody to drop a note and say, "Hey, how are you doing?" And sometimes it helps even further to know that a lot of people have been through a stretch of depression before. I've got really close friends and I never would have guessed they once were going through a bad patch. How could they when they always appear to be happy and bubbly on the surface? But the fact is they have, we all have, and knowing that other people face shit makes me feel that "Hey, I'm not alone".

Why do I blog about such personal stuff for the whole world to read? Well, first of all, I didn't really reveal any personal details on what's going on. Maybe when I'm brave enough, I might be able to share the story so that people can understand that what my family is going through is something happens to certain people. It's not normal, but it does happen. And also, it really helps to let people know so that they won't ask me questions like, "How are your parents?". "Is your dad in Penang?" because I don't freaking know the answer. And the worst thing to say to my sister is, "Your parents must be so proud of you". That will send her straight back to Boogie Land.

And last of all, I think it's okay to tell people that I'm not perfect. That I go through bad times. That I'm only human.

Okie, that's all I wanna write about the boogie right now. There are a few more things which I have to face in the coming month, so if I suddenly disappear into Boogie Land again, please check whether I do make it back to planet Earth.


Thursday, April 8, 2010

Wild Swans

I finally finished Wild Swans. The book tells the life story of 3 generations in China. Grandmother, mother and then the author. I've heard of the Cultural Revolution in China, but I had not idea how bad and how much the people in China suffered, physically and mentally.

Image from wikipedia

While reading the book, I can't remember how many times I would stop, turn to the hubby sitting next to me and say, "I'm so so so so so glad that our fore fathers decided to migrate out of China". I truly feel more appreciative towards the country I'm living in now. China, back then, was really a terribly country.

A must read, especially if you're Chinese.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

The last thoughts for this week

I'm feeling a little lighter today. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I'm all family-wamily lately and that I got to meet my long lost cousins, but to go from not seeing the family for years to seeing all the Loo's every single day for one week was a bit too much. It was an overdose of the Loo's. My boogie monsters were happy and having a party with margaritas out there. And as a result, I've been having restless dreams every night for more than a week now.

So when I dropped off the last Loo at her apartment this morning, I was feeling a little lighter and a little Loo-less. It has been a terribly tiring hectic week. A terrible hectic month. Made me think of a lot of things.

When I die, I do not, do not, do not want a Chinese funeral. This is what I want.

  1. I'm not a strong Christian believer but I still want a Christian funeral.
  2. Should be only one day thing. I don't know that many people anyway.
  3. I want people to know that it's okay to laugh and make jokes at my funeral. I want people to be happy instead of sad
  4. I want a photo slide show of my life. Please use the song "All of Me" by Jon Schmidt. Maybe even add in the video of my funky wedding dance just for the fun of it. ;)
  5. I want a nice little speech at the end
  6. There should be a small buffet line of egg and smoked salmon sandwiches. Ooooo... and laksa. We can't go without my laksa right. And also chendol la.
  7. And I want a nice photo of me to be displayed. If you used my passport or driving license photo or particularly my U.S. visa photo, I will come back and haunt you.

The past one week has made me love the hubby even more. My sister and I were sitting at the corner observing him talking to all the grand-aunties. He flashed his award winning granny smile, so shinning that my sister said she was blinded for 2 seconds. When my dad came back later for the funeral, he was hearing all the "good boy" stories about the hubby. I'm only wondering why I don't ever get that shinny smile from the hubby which apparently only reserved for aunties above the age of 50. Cheh.

But seriously, the hubby was so charming to the family, it put me and the sister to shame. I wonder what magical parenting formula my parents-in-law used to produce such a family-oriented son.

I'm worried about my grandma. My biggest fear in life is to lose the hubby. Imagine living with someone for almost 70 years then wake up one day to see his favourite chair next to yours empty, never to be filled again. And because of that empty chair, life becomes empty as well.

Also, I think the Chinese might have gotten it a little wrong. Prosperity, Longevity and Wealth may be important. But having all three does not guarantee Happiness.

And to me that's the most important. Isn't it?