Back from Boogie Land

I've been bloggy quiet recently. Because of all the drama happening recently, I was taken back to Boogie Land. Old memories which I tried to forget over the past few years were brought back again. And for a while, I actually dared to hope again, only for the hope to be crushed the following week.

Anyway, I'm back from the Boogie Land. One should only remain boogified for a certain amount time, else somebody please sound the alarm and shake me hard to bring me back to planet Earth. Also, I've taken up a new role at work making me so busy that I don't even have to time run to the toilet to make a dump in the morning. I welcomed the chaos at work because it kept the mind too busy to even think about boogie and by the time I go home I'm too mentally tired to get boogified. Thus, the bloggy has been neglected lately.

When I'm in Boogie Land, I try avoid my blog because I tend to write what's in my mind and being boogified would mean I end up writing about all the boogie which to other happy "normal" people, would seem like a post with a title of "Self-Pity".

If you are one of those normal people, then I suggest you stop reading here. Else, if you are as damaged as I am, read on and we can share stories of how screwed up we are. :)







For the past few weeks, the hubby received the privilege of the front row seat to watch all my real-life TVB drama, so much that it made him so grateful that his parents are such wonderful normal people and he made it a point to take his parents out to an expensive seafood restaurant for no occasion at all. Because if you have wonderful parents, why do you need to wait for an occasion to bring them out for a treat?

When the hubby manages to make my grandma laugh, the smile on her face can brighten the whole room. But when my grandma cries while telling family drama stories to the hubby, I carry the guilt of what the parents did. The guilt which gets heavier and heavier. And I suspect that my hubby feels the same way which is why he makes such an effort to treat my grandma well to replace what my parents failed to do.


The sister and I came up with the word Boogie. It's our code name to describe our family drama. And we came out with a lot of other comical names to describe the misery we were facing at home. The sister and I used to make jokes about the situation to give it a comical side. Because it was all we could do to survive a tough situation at home. If we could laugh about it, then maybe it's not as bad as it seems. We never cried in front of each other because we wanted to convince each other that we were tough enough to handle the situation. Because if one of us does cry in front of the other, the comical illusion and the tough act we try to create will give way to the horrible reality we were facing.

The thing I find most difficult about my situation is the inability to tell others or make others understand. When things like this happen, the daughter is usually blamed for not being good to the parents. Because the assumption is that the parents will always do the best for their children so how can parents ever be wrong? I'm especially tired when my father-in-law who tries to convince me now and then that I should treat my parents better. He doesn't understand the situation. Nobody does. Unless of course you get the front row seats to watch all the drama live which currently is only reserved for the hubby. :)

It's not like I haven't tried to tell people about what's going on. To some people, I did share with them the tip of the surface. The reaction I get is either a look of horror or the person reacts in a way as if s(he) didn't hear what I just said. It's just something that people here have never heard about and is not commonly accepted locally. I've only shared the full uncensored story to one close friend and for that, I thank you for your listening ear.

Everybody faces something difficult in life. Some people deal with more crap than others but the fact is we all at one point during life will find ourselves in the lowest point ever. And when we are in that low point, we feel alone and we feel that nobody else will ever understand. And we don't tell others because we are worried to be seen as being weak or we don't want to trouble others with all our sorrows.

But sometimes all it take is for somebody to drop a note and say, "Hey, how are you doing?" And sometimes it helps even further to know that a lot of people have been through a stretch of depression before. I've got really close friends and I never would have guessed they once were going through a bad patch. How could they when they always appear to be happy and bubbly on the surface? But the fact is they have, we all have, and knowing that other people face shit makes me feel that "Hey, I'm not alone".

Why do I blog about such personal stuff for the whole world to read? Well, first of all, I didn't really reveal any personal details on what's going on. Maybe when I'm brave enough, I might be able to share the story so that people can understand that what my family is going through is something happens to certain people. It's not normal, but it does happen. And also, it really helps to let people know so that they won't ask me questions like, "How are your parents?". "Is your dad in Penang?" because I don't freaking know the answer. And the worst thing to say to my sister is, "Your parents must be so proud of you". That will send her straight back to Boogie Land.

And last of all, I think it's okay to tell people that I'm not perfect. That I go through bad times. That I'm only human.

Okie, that's all I wanna write about the boogie right now. There are a few more things which I have to face in the coming month, so if I suddenly disappear into Boogie Land again, please check whether I do make it back to planet Earth.

:)

Wild Swans

I finally finished Wild Swans. The book tells the life story of 3 generations in China. Grandmother, mother and then the author. I've heard of the Cultural Revolution in China, but I had not idea how bad and how much the people in China suffered, physically and mentally.

Image from wikipedia

While reading the book, I can't remember how many times I would stop, turn to the hubby sitting next to me and say, "I'm so so so so so glad that our fore fathers decided to migrate out of China". I truly feel more appreciative towards the country I'm living in now. China, back then, was really a terribly country.

A must read, especially if you're Chinese.

The last thoughts for this week

I'm feeling a little lighter today. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I'm all family-wamily lately and that I got to meet my long lost cousins, but to go from not seeing the family for years to seeing all the Loo's every single day for one week was a bit too much. It was an overdose of the Loo's. My boogie monsters were happy and having a party with margaritas out there. And as a result, I've been having restless dreams every night for more than a week now.

So when I dropped off the last Loo at her apartment this morning, I was feeling a little lighter and a little Loo-less. It has been a terribly tiring hectic week. A terrible hectic month. Made me think of a lot of things.

When I die, I do not, do not, do not want a Chinese funeral. This is what I want.

1. I'm not a strong Christian believer but I still want a Christian funeral.
2. Should be only one day thing. I don't know that many people anyway.
3. I want people to know that it's okay to laugh and make jokes at my funeral. I want people to be happy instead of sad
4. I want a photo slide show of my life. Please use the song "All of Me" by Jon Schmidt. Maybe even add in the video of my funky wedding dance just for the fun of it. ;)
5. I want a nice little speech at the end
6. There should be a small buffet line of egg and smoked salmon sandwiches. Ooooo... and laksa. We can't go without my laksa right. And also chendol la.
7. And I want a nice photo of me to be displayed. If you used my passport or driving license photo or particularly my U.S. visa photo, I will come back and haunt you.

The past one week has made me love the hubby even more. My sister and I were sitting at the corner observing him talking to all the grand-aunties. He flashed his award winning granny smile, so shinning that my sister said she was blinded for 2 seconds. When my dad came back later for the funeral, he was hearing all the "good boy" stories about the hubby. I'm only wondering why I don't ever get that shinny smile from the hubby which apparently only reserved for aunties above the age of 50. Cheh.

But seriously, the hubby was so charming to the family, it put me and the sister to shame. I wonder what magical parenting formula my parents-in-law used to produce such a family-oriented son.

I'm worried about my grandma. My biggest fear in life is to lose the hubby. Imagine living with someone for almost 70 years then wake up one day to see his favourite chair next to yours empty, never to be filled again. And because of that empty chair, life becomes empty as well.

Also, I think the Chinese might have gotten it a little wrong. Prosperity, Longevity and Wealth may be important. But having all three does not guarantee Happiness.

And to me that's the most important. Isn't it?

Photos of the past

I could not sleep last night. Too many things were running in my head.

Last night during my grandpa’s wake, a relative brought over old photos of my grandparents. It was the first time I’ve seen my grandparents wedding photo. First time I’ve seen both of my great-grandfathers as well. They wanted me to scan in all the photos so I carried home a very old tin box filled with photos from the past.

When I reached home, already quite late at night, I found myself staring at my grandparent’s wedding photo for such a long time. They look so young in the photo, only 18 or 19 years old. So serious, so solemn, but with a long bright future right in front of them. Then I wondered what it would be like for me to be old and at my last years, look back at my own wedding photo knowing that, okay… time’s up. You’ve almost finished your race, whether or not you were happy with how the race went, it’s time for you to go off now.

My grandparent’s marriage was arranged by their fathers as a way to improve the business between the two families. My grandma’s father owned a pawn shop and my grandpa’s father owned a gold shop. So gold that gets pawned then gets sold at the gold shop.

Then I found myself wondering what my grandparents were like when they were young. What was it like to marry a man arranged by your parents? Did they fall in love after that? Did they hold hands and plan their future together?

I found another photo, a family photo of my grandparents and their 6 children. 5 boys, 1 girl. All still young children. All still innocent. So what happened? What caused all of them to go on in life each creating their own real-life mini TVB drama series? What caused all the drama and conflict among all the siblings? What caused something that started so innocent end up so ugly?

I stared at that family photo even longer. And when I went to bed, my thoughts couldn’t stop. All my life I have been isolated from my family and have been brought up hearing ugly stories about them. If you grew up being taught that the world is flat only to one day realize that the world is round, I’m sure you’d been stunned for a while. For the past week, I’ve been getting to know my family through my hubby. All strange and new for me.

And then I realized something. Whatever happened during my parent’s generation is not mine to inherit and carry. It’s not my battle to fight. I don’t care which relative is horrible and which is not in the eyes of my parents. I’ve decided to see with my own eyes and make my own decisions. If one relative is horrible, that relative can be as horrible as (s)he want’s to be, I don’t care and I don’t want to care. But I shall no longer isolate the whole family just because of the boogie monsters from the past (who should be really old boogie monsters with wrinkles and white hair by now).

After making peaces with the old wrinkly boogie monsters from the past, I finally managed to fall asleep last night. I still have young boogies monsters of my generation to battle, but I’ll leave those alone for another time.

I hope that one day if I have grandchildren, they will also one day find my wedding photos as one of their most precious family treasures. Only that unlike me, they wouldn’t be wondering what their grandparents were like.

They would already know.

In loving memory of my grandpa

With one candle lit

My 83 year old grandma observed the Earth hour last night. I'm so
proud of her. Though her reason of doing it is because she thinks it's
the law to do so. She even asked whether she is allowed to light
candles. :)

When i left her house last night, she was sitting there alone with
only 1 candle lit. Alone in the dark knowing that my grandpa whom she has been
with for the past 6 decades was dying and would not live to see the next day.

If I ever have to live through a day like that, I hope I can be as
strong as her.

The Boogies

Because I've been visiting my grandpa at the hospital frequently these past few days, it meant I was bumping into a lot of other relatives there. And Mindy is no family person, no siree.

Because of such frequent encounters, my 3 favourite boogie monsters take this opportunity to come out and play. The boogie monsters have been following me around everyday. There's the Self Pity boogie monster that sits beside me at night. And there's the Angry boogie monsters that's still so pissed off until now. And there's Depressed boogie monster sitting at the corner of my cube quietly making me wanna crawl back into bed into the arms of Self Pity boogie.

It's been a tough week having to entertain all the boogie. And I'm tired. So today I decided to have a 1-1 with the 3 of them. I decided to face them as a rational adult. I decided to make a deal with them. Leave me alone for just one weekend.

And you know what? It actually turned out okay. And whatever happens, for this one weekend, I shall be boogie free and happy.

And seriously, I'm convinced that I write a script about my family story, it would be a very successful TVB drama. I can envision how the drama will start and how the drama will end followed by the closing credits. Surely very entertaining wan, I guarantee you. ;)






See you again one day. I shall always love you, boogie or not.

Thank you

I just wanna say a big thank you to those to made the effort to either go to the hospital or who messaged me to let me know they would donate if they could. I've realized that it's actually not easy to find blood donors. I always assumed that there are so many people out there. If I don't donate, somebody else will.

But when it's your turn who needs blood, you'll realize that not everybody can donate. And most people will give the excuse of being afraid to donate. I being one of them before this.

But watching the patients in the ICU fight for their lives, I am very ashamed of myself that my excuse of not donating before is because I'm afraid of a needle. What's a needle in comparison to fighting death?

I went to the ICU to visit my grandpa again. Usually they only allow two visitors per patient at one time. When I entered, I saw a crowd of more than 10 people around the patient next to my grandpa. They were crying and wailing and calling out to that patient. I guess they were there to say their last goodbyes. I felt so sad for them. So so so sad.

I can't imagine what it's like to be a patient in the ICU, already being so near to death, and having to listen to the sounds of death around you. Made me feel like all the problems in life which we usually complain about is so meaningless in comparison.

A story to tell, a favor to ask

When I see my grandparents, I see a part of my history. When you are young, you think they will live forever. And because my family has as much drama as a TVB drama... I, and I can see that my other cousins as well, were brought up in a way that we hated our family gatherings. Going to the grandparents house for a visit seemed such a chore.


Due to further family problems, I stopped seeing them for years. I stopped seeing anyone considered family. If I do not see family, I can forget about all the boogie monsters from the past.

After a great struggle and persuasion from my relatives from my mum's side who hunted me down and refused to let me distance myself from them, I agreed to visit my paternal grandparents again. Only this time, I went on my own free will with the hubby. No longer being dragged by my dad.

This past 2 years, through my hubby, I've gotten to know my grandparents. My grandparents can only speak Cantonese, which I can't. So hubby speaks to them instead. The hubby has a way of being extra charming to grannies, he just needs to give them his specialized granny award winning smile and the grannies love him.

Needless to say, my grandma ADORES him. The two will sit down and chat for an hour like old friends. She tells the hubby lots of stories, stories of when she was young girl and how her marriage was arranged with my grandpa, stories of the Japanese occupation, stories of all my other relatives who are practically strangers to me.

I suddenly realized that the grandparents are part of my history. They are part of who I am today. I'm extremely disappointment with my parents for everything that happened and I'm glad that I made the decision to reconnect with my grandparents again.

My grandparents are old. They can no longer go out. They no longer care about all the mistakes of the past. All they want is for their family to drop by to see them once in a while. To me, it's just one hour out of a busy day, which I admit that sometimes I postpone week to week. To them, it's the highlight of the whole week. They now spend their life waiting for somebody to drop by for a visit, waiting for the doorbell to ring.

I hardly ask for favors. At least I try not to. When I had my surgery, I insisted that I could drive to the hospital myself to have the surgery stitches taken out. That was a very bad idea. The next time you see a car crawling on the road, take pity because it might a poor girl on her way to get her stitches out.

Today I need to ask for a favor. My grandpa is in the ICU. He needs blood. If you can donate, I will be very grateful. If you can't, it's okay... no obligations.


I've been visiting my grandpa these past few days. For him, it's a fight to see the next morning sun. For me, it could be the last time I see him. That my goodbye to him may be the last.

We all grow old. But we always deny it. We think we have all the time in the world. We take the next day, month, year for granted. But one day time runs out. Then comes the desperation to hang on just to see one more day.

I sense that desperation around me whenever I enter the ICU to see my grandpa. I see that desperation in my grandpa's eyes every time I look at him. When I see how hard he has to fight just to see tomorrow, I feel like it's a sin for me to carelessly take tomorrow for granted.

If I lose my grandpa, I feel like I'll lose part of my roots. I've only begun to get to know my grandparents. To get to know a part of my history. And they still has plenty of stories to tell, stories that I want to hear.

If you can donate blood to my grandpa, the details are as the following. Any blood type will do.

Loo Yok Choon, 0041977
Adventist Hospital


Comments off. No obligations.

"Eating Mummy Food" position

Let me introduce you to the "Eating Mummy Food" position. In the "Eating Mummy Food" position, both legs are lifted up onto the chair in a ah-pek sytle to demonstrate that one is relaxed and pleased.

Yes, this position can only be achieved when one is absolutely delighted to be eating mummy's home cook food. Because mummy's home cook is cooked with lots of love which has made him grown into a big strong boy.

While in the "Eating Mummy Food" position, one becomes so happy with the food, his eyes light up and he shoves food into his mouth faster than he can chew. And after the "Eating Mummy Food" position is over, the bowls are licked clean.

Unfortunately this "Eating Mummy Food" position does not apply to the wife's cooking. Cis.



Seriously... the hubby has been a very happy person the past 1 week because my mum-in-law has been staying with us. And I've been a very happy person too.

She cooks and cleans and even does all the nagging for me, "Ah How ah.... you dowan to bath yet ah???". "Ah How ah.. you dowan to wake up yet ah??", "Ah How ah, you dowan to go to work yet ah??.


Yes, the wife has been a happy person indeed. ;)

Welcome to Sang Spa

If you go to Bali, one of the must dos over there is to go for a spa. It's very very much cheaper over there. A normal body massage here would cost around RM60 - RM70 for 45 minutes. Before going to Bali, I booked the following package for the four of us girls.

Body Scrub + Mask ( 2 H 15 M ) Rp 180.000,-

This sacred body ritual will renew your body, mind and soul. Starting with a one hour traditional Balinese massage, you'll recieve a rice body scrub of your choice, a mineralizing mud mask or Balinese boreh treatment and finish off with a natural yogurt application to the skin.

That's about RM67. Very very very worth it.

When I booked the spa, I requested that the 4 of us to have our spa done at the same done. They granted our request with the condition that 2 of us have to be in the same the couple's room since they do not have that many rooms available.

When we reached the spa, customer service was excellent as expected. We sat in the couple's room while waiting for the 2 other individual rooms to be available. Jasmine was telling us how shameless she was and how she wouldn't mind using the couple room (without realizing she was shamelessly announcing to everybody else in the spa about how shameless she was. As you can see the rooms as just divided by bamboo walls)

In the end, I volunteered to share the couple's room with Jasmine. We were given a pair of disposable panties to wear and a towel to wrap around. And let's just say that the disposable panties were one size fit all. I turned it around a few times because there was too much cloth in the front and too little behind. I was wearing the most ugliest grandmother panties ever.

The two of us were giggling nervously at the thought of accidentally seeing each other naked. When the staff came in and told us that after the spa, the two of us had to share the same jacuzzi naked,

I... WAS... HORRIFIED... 

Jasmine dear... as much as I love you, I do not want to be bathing in a tub of flowers while we are both naked. You would be staring at my boobies and I would be staring at your boobies. And we suddenly wouldn't know what to say to each other.

The staff laughed at how embarassed we were and told us, "Mat Salleh girls... they don't mind seeing each other naked". Excuse me... I'm no Mat Salleh. As open as I am, I still cannot not bear the thought of being naked in a bath face to face with another person who is not my hubby.

In the end, much to my relief, the staff said they would bring us towels to cover ourselves. And thus the spa was going to begin when all of a sudden.... there was an electricity black out. I was relief again, because it meant we would be in the dark and Jasmine wouldn't see my boobies.

The 2 hour spa was heavenly. They started out with a full body massage. And when I say full, I mean full including your boobies and your naked butt. When I went for a massage in Penang, they put a towel across my chest so I wasn't as bare like this. But I didn't seem to have to problem letting the masseuse see my boobies.

I mean, she probably has seen all types of boobies out there right? Fat ones, skinny ones, dark ones, fair ones, beautiful ones, saggy ones, two by two. So the thought of her seeing my boobies seemed okay since it was part of her everyday job and it didn't bother me that much.

And yes I've noticed I'm using the word "boobies" a lot in this post.

After the body massage, then came the body scrub. That felt good............. After that, was the body mask where they put mud mask all over my body and wrapped me up like a cocoon. That felt good for a while until it started heating up and getting warmer and warmer.

Because Jasmine and I did not want to see each other's boobies, Jasmine got up and went to the shower first and started chit chating with the staff while they showered her. I was stuck in my cocoon silently screaming, "Jasmine!!! Quit talking... I need to get out of my cocoon before I start melting!!!".

Finally it came to my turn to shower. After the shower, they put yougurt all over my body and I showered it off again. Then they gave me a little towel to wrap my body and into the jacuzzi I went, where Jasmine was already waiting for me. The staff gave us our hot tea and left us alone in the room.

So there we were, 2 almost naked girls wearing grandmother panties in the jacuzzi filled with romantic flowers and only 2 candles for light.

The two of us started giggling and gigling and giggling. We were giggling so loudly and Mun Yi in the other room thought we must be giggling because we were bathing naked with each other.

I was clinging onto my towel the whole time like my life depended on it while Jasmine didn't feel that bothered about it and was playing with the flowers and drinking her tea happy and relaxed.

Jasmine mentioned how romantic it was and said I should do it with the hubby one day. But then she changed her mind and said the hubby might be turned off when he sees me wearing grandmother panties.

I was thinking, which would be more of a turn off... him seeing me wearing grandmother panties... or me seeing him wearing grandmother panties. Naughty images entered my mind. More giggling followed.

And just as our spa was about to end, the electricity came back on.

After the 2 hour spa, we were as happy as four girls could be. We felt so refreshed and renewed and our skin was as soft as a baby's bottom. We slipped into our dresses and got the staff there to drive us to Jazz cafe.

Look at how glowing our skin looks. Too bad I didn't show my legs off in the photo. Darn!

For more information about Sang Spa, go to http://www.sangspa.com/

Okay... this should be the last post about Bali. You're probably sick of reading about my Bali craze by now.