Somebody asked my feedback for the statement below in twitter
"true love begins when nothing is looked for in return"
That statement stirred a lot of thoughts. And you know la, twitter only allows 140 characters and when replying to someone, adding the username will already take up some characters (which is why it's better to have a short username in twitter). 140 character is not enough for my reply, so decided to blab it all here.
I believe that it's a natural instinct that when you love somebody, you would want them to love you back in return. You'll do the things for him out of love. And it's natural to think that if he loves you as well, he would would do the same for you. That act of hoping he would do the same for you, is already an expectation of getting something in return.
So does it make your love less "true" just because you hope something in return, I don't think so. Because if that's the case, then I doubt anybody's love is true. Do you dare to say that you've never, not even once before, been disappointed with the one you love because of something he did or didn't do. The fact that you were disappointed was because you expected something in return.
So I do not believe that just because you love someone, you don't expect anything in return. In fact, you'll expect even more from the person you love. Take our parents for an example, they sure expect a lot from us. But I guess, then maybe true love is when you still continue loving that person even when that person doesn't give you the things that you expect in return. But is that considered blind love?
Again, I strongly believe that one-side love is not happy love. I expect that if I made sacrifices for the one I love, he must make sacrifices for me as well. I don't think I can sacrifice for a man who doesn't love me in return. I don't care if that makes me selfish because I only have one life, and I fully intend on living it as happily as I can with a man who appreciates me (and of course, if he irons his own clothes, cooks and cleans, that's like extra bonus plus plus points).
My 2 cents. :)
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Love #2
Posted by Mindy at 2:13 PM
Labels: Thoughts and Comments
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7 comments:
'But I guess, then maybe true love is when you still continue loving that person even when that person doesn't give you the things that you expect in return.'
VERY well said! i feel much better now :P
"I don't care if that makes me selfish because I only have one life, and I fully intend on living it as happily as I can with a man who appreciates me"
So true. I also intend to live my life to the fullest to the man who makes me happy.
for my case shd be 'men' though i dont get to choose my son. hehe :)
I sorta agree with what u're saying, but want to add another dimension. Seems to me u're looking at it more from how much u get back in return from your partner.
But what about unreciprocated love? When one (Person A) loves another, but the love is not returned? I think usually one gives up and moves on, but what if u're still great friends n continue to mutually love each other as friends. What if under this condition, Person A continues to love the other for YEARS (long long time) knowing that he/she cannot expect love in return... As occurs in movies like 'Made of Honour' and with the caterer friend in 'Over Her Dead Body'. Is that true love, or simply foolish love when you love someone for so long even though you know nothing will come of it?
Based on definition "true love begins when nothing is looked for in return", then the above is true love. But i don't think it is.
Also, what about women who continue to "love" n stick by abusive partners. They accept their husbands are like that n stay with them despite all the pain n sadness. Is that true love then? Many times, I don't think so.
There is a saying that "nothing hurts more than unrequited love". I believe this to be very true, altho i doubt any of you girls (and most girls, actually) have any real idea what i mean. Based on this saying, i believe that we don't "expect" something in return from the one we love. But that when we love someone, we "want" them to love us in return because if not, it simply hurts too much. And when the hurt becomes too overwhelming, you realise you "need" them to love you in return or you just have to move on to stay alive.
You know how people say pain adds character so children should be allowed to play, make mistakes n get hurt? I think its the same with love. The more hurt u feel, the more u understand it..
In conclusion, i think love is way too complex to generalise.
oh.. so long but didnt make my point.
point is, i think it is unrealistic n foolish to think that one can continue loving someone who doesn't love them back the way they want/need. if u don't feel love/appreciated/emotionally fulfilled, and if it continues that way, then i don't think any amount of true love on your part can or should keep the relationship together.
I agree very much with your last point.
I don't believe in blind love. I hope that no matter how much I love person, I'll still have eyes to see. For example, if my partner treats me like crap, I hope that I'll be able to see the reality and not hide behind some romantic belief that true love means allowing him to treat me like that. If that happens, please whack me on my head so that I can see.
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be loved in return. But I also know that sometimes your partner cannot love you back the way you want him to love you. The important thing is that he still loves you in his own way.
I also don't think I could love somebody for years and not have my love returned. I'd give up and move on.
However, I do realize that I've never been hurt when it comes to love. I've never loved someone who didn't love me back. So I may naively say whatever I think I would do, but maybe if I were in another person's shoes who knows what I'll actually do.
Again, whack me on the head if I ever become to blind. ;)
very dangerous to ask someone like me to whack u on the head :P. fortunately, i dont think u need whacking. hehe.
i think people enter into relationships n think they "love" their partner for many different reasons (including environmental & societal pressures) besides true love. i'll give two examples and then subdivide the 2nd into further 2.
1. Financial stability ("I want a man who'll take care of me");
2. To feel loved:
a) Women to stay with someone because he showers her with gifts/attention and makes her his everything (ie. she really only "loves" him because he loves her and she enjoys being loved. i believe n know there is more to love n relationship between two souls than that);
b) For whatever reason (within themselves or environment or characteristics of her partner), the woman desires to be loved by her chosen partner. However, the love is not reciprocated in the way she would prefer and she continues to habour hope and desire to be loved. Ironically in this situation, it is the desire to be loved that keeps the woman in a non-ideal relationship that either means she'll continue living with some sadness inside or it'll eventually end up too much to bear.
1 & 2(a) I think is clearly not true love.
2(b) comes from immaturity (lack of understanding) over self and love.
In situations like 2(b), the phrase "true love begins when nothing is looked for in return" must be used with caution. People should understand that we crave love and we love for many many reasons besides true love.
oh well, in view of the complexity of my relationships, you should take my ramblings with a pinch of salt..
btw, the link below is what i've found to be the most beautiful n accurate description of love. not so applicable to longtime couples, but describes new lovers beautifully.
thought i would share because i enjoy reading it n also understand exactly what it means. shows that islam isn't just about beards, turbans n suicide-bomers!
http://www.angelfire.com/al/islamicpsychology/general/signs_of_love.html
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