The absense

I don't blog so much anymore. There are a few reasons why.

1. Ever since I took a management role, I felt like I shouldn't expose myself so much anymore. I mean, a leader of a team should always appears to be capable of everything right? What if my team discovers I'm a human being who makes mistakes, who has her ups and downs? Would I appear weak in their eyes? Would they realize that I don't always have the right answers all the time?
2. Something happened recently which threw me into a state of depression. People don't generally talk about being depressed. Maybe because it's foreseen as being weak. Because strong people would never be depressed right? 
3. My blog has always been for light humour reading. Lately, I'm find it hard to find the humourous side. Therefore, I blog less. To the point I'm thinking of stopping.
4. I made a stupid mistake of sharing my blog to a person whom I no longer want to have anything to do with. I'm considering changing to another blog. I know it sounds childish, but that person only brings pain into my life and the people around me.

To answer 1), managers do feel tired. Managers do feel like quiting at times. Managers get demoralized. Managers do make mistakes. Managers are just like everybody else. But managers have to fake it until they make it. Managers have to pull everything and everybody together despite what they are feeling.

Regarding 2), I'm depressed. I cried everyday for a week. I came back bitter and angry. People say, it's okay and I shouldn't be sad. The ones who understand better asked me to cry as much as I wanted to. And even though I told people I didn't want to talk about it, some still made the effort to continue talking to me to check whether I'm okay. For that, I shall always be grateful. Because sometimes, a person in grief is a person who feels so alone. And it helps when somebody tells you they are still there.

I think we all deserve to kick and scream, drown in self pity and feel sorry for yourself. Cry your heart out. Be depressed all you want. As long as it's not permanent. As long as you recover in the end. If I want to cry, I shall cry all I want. I know there are worst situations out there, but it doesn't mean I do not have the right to feel sad.

Everybody gets depressed now and then in life. A lot of people I know admit they went through a state of depression. I do not see it as a weakness. It's part of going through the different phase in life. And when you come out of the depression, you've earned another of life's victory badge to wear.

But hey, if I can survive the Boogie, I can survive this. Same goes to you Genny. You will survive too. :)