It's time to open up

I created this blog because sometimes I watch or hear something which I find very interesting. Or sometimes it’s about some random stuff I think of. Or it could be something I did or something that Yin How did which I just want to jot down. Today my sister emailed me about something which triggered some thoughts again. So I decided to write this post.

I have not told this to many people. Even close friends know very little about this because I don’t talk much about it. And this post is not to tell the whole story, just what it is about.

My mum has recently cut ties with me. And I have not really spoken to my dad for almost two years (my dad coming to my wedding was just an act, close friends were suspicious that something was wrong). My family problems are not the typical average family problems. There’s something wrong with someone in my family and I shall not say more. But I am very BITTER about everything that happened and I have become a very BITTER person who does not believe in depending on parents and for some time I became very withdrawn.

I have not told many people about this because I was trapped in some kind of emotional blackmail and also this is not something I enjoy talking about. When I first started working, while my friends were using their paychecks to enjoy life, I started saving furiously so that I could buy a place which I can call my home to escape from it all. After my sister entered university and I moved out, and after my mum recently cut me out of her life, I feel that I have been freed in some sense and I’m starting to open up a little. My sister and I always joke that we would write a book about what we went through and we even came out with the book title.

Reason why I’m writing about this is so that you will not ask me about my parents anymore. Usually when I meet up with friends, they will ask, “How is your dad? When is he coming back from Brunei?”, or “How is your mum doing?”. These are typical questions that old friends would ask each other to catch up with one another. But for me, these are the most dreaded questions ever. Usually I will muster up a fake smile and say, “Oh, they are doing fine” and quickly avoid any eye contact, when in reality, my parents have cut me out of their lives and everything is not fine.

I hate lying and I hate feeling so uncomfortable when I’m asked about my parents, so this is the real story. Why blog about it? Because when I tell friends about this face to face, they get shocked, which makes them uncomfortable, which makes me uncomfortable, which creates an awkward situation.

Maybe I will not be so bitter in the future. Maybe one day I’ll let go of everything. Maybe everything will be ok. But until then, the next time you meet up with me, let’s talk about anything from the sun, to the moon, to the pretty blue sky. :)

Anything except my parents.